The Kids Are Alright

For one of my term papers this semester, I've had the opportunity to sift through a real treat of seventeenth-century Puritan vitriol: William Prynne's massive Histrio-Mastix (1633).  I've only got the first volume of two, and it comes in at just under 570 pages of non-stop raillery, complete with marginal commentary in Latin.  So, I thought I'd share a few gems from Prynne's monster for this week's "forward."

A section that I'm referring to specifically in my term paper is "Actus 5. Scena Septima" (Prynne, writing against "stage-plays," arranges his work into separate Acts and Scenes - how clever).  The section begins: "As Stage-playes are thus unlawfull, in regard of the womannishnesse, so likewise are they in respect of the costly gawdinesse, the immodest lasciviousnesse, the fantastique strangenesse, the meretricious, effeminate lust-provoking fashions of that apparell wherein they are commonly acted and frequented: from whence I shall deduce this 22nd Argument against Stage-playes..."

Oh, for public discourse so enjoyable to read!  Part of me doesn't care what Prynne is arguing - he's got a real knack for invective! Not even Ann Coulter stands a comparison.  

Opening to another page at random (well, at semi-random anyway...everything happens for a purpose, right?), Prynne holds forth thusly: "The third unlawfull Concomitant of Stage-playes, is effeminate, delicate, lust-provoking Musicke, as St. Basil phraseth it, which Christians ought to flie as a most filthy thing; both because it workes upon their mindes, to corrupt them, upon their lusts, to provoke them to all voluptuousnesse and uncleanesse whatsoever."  Even "Heathen Nations, States and Authors, have past a doome upon" such "lascivious, amorous, effeminate, voluptuous Musicke" as can be found in Stage-plays.  It seems the Devil has been lurking in popular music for some time.  

Prynne goes on at some length (as is his wont) before bemoaning the introduction of music into church services: "'Pope Vitalian being a lusty Singer, and fresh courageous Musician himselfe, was the first that brought Prick-song, Descant, and all kinde of pleasant melody into the Church; in the yeere 653."  

I really wish I knew what a "Prick-song" was.  If I did, I would close my day by singing one, and think fondly of Prynne and all other music-haters from my past.  By now, I think we've all been exposed to enough effeminate, delicate, lust-provoking music that our minds are most certainly voluptuous and unclean.  And that, surely, is the reason why SAT scores are down and why schools are struggling all over the U.S. with No Child Left Behind.